"Love is tough!"

Feb. Week 2

“Love is tough.” That’s what I learned last week during my tutoring visit to Northridge. As my group of 5 kiddos and I walked to the library I noticed a little hand shoot out from the girls bathroom along the way and hand Gregory an intricately folded note.

“What was that all about?” I asked.
“That’s Gregory’s girlfriend!” Christacia said.
“No! It’s my EX,” corrected Gregory.
“So what’s going on?” I asked with one eyebrow raised.
“Well, we broke up and she wants me back,” said Gregory.
“They’ve broken up eight times already this year," offered Lauryn. “And she’s YOUR color.” Which I took to mean she is white as opposed to Gregory’s being African American.
“Yeah, she cheated on me and I’m not sure I want her back, “ he said.
“She likes all sorts of guys. She’s a ‘ho’,” offered up Jake.
“Yeah…love is tough,” Gregory said with an exasperated sigh.

Aside from being completely entertained by this whole encounter, I was a little disturbed by what these 3rd graders are dealing with. When I was in 3rd grade I was still playing with dolls. Not Barbies (which I feel are the older girl’s doll) but baby dolls. I was riding my bike with my brothers and throwing rocks in the creek. Worrying about a boy “cheating on me” wasn’t even in my mental or emotional vocabulary. But children mimic what they see adults doing. I mimicked my mother cooking, baking, and generally “mothering”. These kids are mimicking their parents and/or care givers breaking up with spouses, lovers, etc. When did it become okay for children this young to be burdened with the yoke of break ups, deception, and heartache?

What does it say about us, as adults, that we unintentionally (or otherwise) burden our children with knowledge that is far beyond their comprehension? Do we forget that they do not have the life experiences that we have had? Do we neglect to offer them the same uninhibited, drama-free childhoods we had?

Earlier last week I found myself apologizing to a friend for not being more conscious of the language I used while on the phone with her. I didn’t realize her two young children were in the car with her and that I was on speaker phone. My parents did a wonderful job “watching their language” as we grew up. I rarely remember hearing my parents utter a foul word. Certainly NOT the colorful expletives my generation uses on a daily basis...not for impact but rather as daily adjectives. So sad.

I offer up that we, as adults, should take on the burden of being…well…adults. Let’s conscientiously limit the heartache our kiddos endure by thoughtfully limiting their exposure to situations, words, innuendos, etc. that are completely out of their realm of understanding.

Wouldn’t we rather see 3rd graders mimicking super heroes on the playground rather than the emotional drama they see at home? Let’s learn to respect our children’s childhoods and learn to close the door on adult situations.